I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
