So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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