I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
