you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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