the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
