Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Randomize
