no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
