Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
