my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
