It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Less talking, more tequila
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
