We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Every concussion has its silver lining
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
