i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
