Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
