I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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