no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
