im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
