Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
