They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
