We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
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No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
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he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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