Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
im holly from the hills drunk
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
