How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
