so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
