I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
