: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
