Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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