you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
