I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
