There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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