Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
