i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
