Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
