I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
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if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Let's get the cat blown out
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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