i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize