Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
