If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
