Dual....:-)
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
