I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
