if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
