we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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