I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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