help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
