it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize