dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
