i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
