Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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