i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
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You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
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I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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