what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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