I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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