My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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