dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
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If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
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Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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