I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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