im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
