dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
