sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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