I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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