you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Even my vagina gasped.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
