At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
we're chasing vodka with high fives
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
