should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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