I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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