Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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