4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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