Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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