He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
