Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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