Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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