She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
