you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize