You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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