I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
