Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
