I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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