I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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