Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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