I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
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Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
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Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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