you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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