My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
