are you still at the devil's house?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
All the doctor said was why
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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