oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
No subtext here. People are naked.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
