My first STD was from a foam party
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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