I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
