erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
