chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
