he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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