wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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