I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
