I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Did I show you my penis last night?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
