I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We have so much sex to catch up on
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
