Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The Olympian is in my bed
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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