and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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