I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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