I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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