I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
