i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
