guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
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He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
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Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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