you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
