ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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