ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
